Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
