You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
