I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
