Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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