Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
