Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
