So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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