i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
