fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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