I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
