So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
