god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
