so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
