My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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