did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
