Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Operation Purity has been aborted
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
