Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
there is glitter all over my balls
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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