Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i drank out of a bidet.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
