Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
