Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
