At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
