he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
