If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
