Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
