i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
