I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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