omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
