i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
