tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
