Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
