oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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