you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
