Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
