he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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