Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
His hands were made for my vagina.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
