Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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