it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
