I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
