well I can't set my house on fire every night
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
