thus making me awesome and them whores
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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