roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
