dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
