i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
