im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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