I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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