Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
