We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
