whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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