We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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