hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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