I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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