Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
